reat music, great food, and great fun was what made my 4th of July weekend trip to New Orleans way more than great. My amazing friend, Kait, and her hubby (both visiting from Australia) met me and Arya down in Louisiana for a long weekend adventure.
As a warning, this post is just going to center on pictures. Some taken with Kait's awesome new camera and some from Arya's iPhone camera. So please be forgiving if there is a difference in quality... some of us are just too lazy to carry around nice cameras. ;)
Today officially makes it five years since you died. In some ways I cannot believe it's been that long and in other ways I feel like I've lived three lives since. But no matter how many years pass by, your place in my life is still empty.
After you left I literally cried every day for six months straight. Then when I realized I hadn't cried one day I freaked out, fearing that I was forgetting you, which of course led right back to those familiar tears. I couldn't even watch Grey's Anatomy at first because the hospital scenes reminded me too much of the three uncertain days of waiting by your ICU bedside before it took a turn for the worst. I definitely did my share of private grieving but have come a long way since, even though I still have my occasional moments.
Of course, I would still do anything to talk to you now. To hear your thoughts on the the current debt ceiling crisis, my life choices, or even just the weather. Anything.
Although you are always with me, I still miss you every day. Thank you for being such an amazing father and friend who loved me unconditionally and in so many ways gave me such a solid foundation of love and support to start my life from. I am so grateful for the years I got to spend with you, to know you, and to learn from you. But when the missing gets too tough I try and remind myself of what your brother said to me the night before your funeral, "Some people never get to have a dad as great as yours. In some ways you're lucky to have had him for even as long as 18 years." While he had a point, I think I might still prefer that conversation about the weather.
Loving you always,
Christina
Probably not the best picture of either of us, but pictures of us on my computer are pretty limited.
t first glance Stephanie is your typical pretty girl. Knows how to look cute, dress cute, even smell cute, but you assume it stops there. Except that under that lovely surface is confidence that keeps her going through all odds, ambition for only the best, and the drive that can actually get it all. Her giggly demeanor is just a guise she hides behind. She is not easily flustered, takes a pragmatic approach to problems, and is always by your side when you need her most.
Although she is younger by five years, in so many ways she has been the one helping me grow up. Over the past couple years I have watched Stephanie transform from the annoying baby sister to a real friend and even equal. Yes, we’ve definitely had our differences, verbal and physical, but in the end she is always there for me. At times, Stephanie is my most important voice of reason and blunt honesty even (or especially) when I don’t want to hear it.
I am just so proud of who she's become. Stephanie is one of the most well rounded people I know. She finished her freshman year of college with amazing grades, elected to offices in multiple student organizations, and is now working at an impressive summer internship. During her down time she hangs out with her many adoring friends with whom she pursues her love of fun, spontaneity, and life. I’m not surprised by how many guys have quickly fallen for her outer charm only to later see that her inner personally matches or even exceeds her outside.
I can’t believe my little sisters turns 19 today. It feels like only yesterday we would dress up and dance to the Aladdin soundtrack when she was four and I was nine.
Stephanie, I know you think that after the eventful birthdays of 18 and 21 life only goes downhill. I want you to remember that that’s not true. If you want it to, Life only gets better. Every birthday brings you “a whole new world.” Or as Aladdin and Jasmine would say:
A whole new world
Every turn a surprise
With new horizons to pursue
Every moment gets better
=)
Happy Birthday Stephanie!
Sorry sissy, I know you hate this old picture,
but I think it's just so darn cute!
n honor of the song, My Favorite Things, from The Sound of Music (which has been stuck in my head for the past couple days), I want to write about a few of my own favorite things.
But first, a little on how picking favorites also happens to be a favorite thing of mine. Whenever I find a new category of things/ types of people/ activities/ anything really, I find myself immediately picking a favorite. I'm scared that this may be a habit I need to get over before I have multiple kids, especially if it translates into picking a favorite offspring. Later on it could cause them some major psychological damage… whoops. Anyways, my natural gravitation towards favorites fits well my other obsessive tendencies. I feel strongly about what I like, I usually either hate or love things (rarely for logical reasons), but these strong inclinations are never set in stone. My feelings change often, so in the end there should be no hurt feelings, right?
Accordingly, here are a few of my favorite things… of the moment.
Walking
This is something fairly new, and honestly I am not sure how much of it is leftover from my days of trying to lose weight. I would count every calorie consumed and subtract that by the estimated calories burned throughout the day. (Of course, I chose the nerdiest way to lose weight.) But no matter the root, now I truly love walking. I even like choosing the slightly farther parking spot just to walk more.
I love walking my dog even after he is so worn out and panting that he takes every opportunity he gets to lay down in the shade of every tree we pass by.
I love walking and just appreciating that I have the physical ability to do so. That it’s not difficult for me to walk because of old age or some injury. I love the feeling of movement. But sometimes I love taking walks because it gives me the opportunity to do my next favorite thing…
Looking up at the Clouds
When people actually take the time lift their eyes towards the sky, I don’t think anyone is really ever disappointed. At least, whenever I look up I am never disappointed. I always think the same thing, “Why don’t I do this more often?” I love love love the sky. Yes, trees are pretty, flowers are nice, oceans are relaxing, but the sky is nice from everywhere. You don’t have to travel anywhere to find it. Pretty from any angle, any distance. Plus, it spends more time looking amazing than flowers are even in bloom. Looking up at the pretty in the sky always helps me remember how petty problems can be down below. That’s what I love most about the sky, how it can be such a nice pick me up from above.
Healthy, Loving Relationships
I know everyone probably likes healthy, loving relationships, but I REALLY like healthy, loving relationships. I never was that impressed or excited about the idea of young love. Too fleeting, meaningless, shallow even? My favorite is seeing much older couples out in public holding hands, who still seem very much in love. That never gets old to me. ;)
Maybe that’s why I love the Obamas so much. Barack is such a contrast to so many other American presidents in respect to how his personal life appears. He seems to really truly love AND still be in love with Michelle. They make time in their crazy hectic White House schedules to have private date nights. There are pictures of them with his Secret Service men looking away as the two of them share an intimate moment where they rest their foreheads against each other. They just seem like such an indestructible partnership, supporting each other through it all. If that’s not actually the reality of their relationship, then I guess I’m impressed with the show? Either way they inspire me to never settle for anything less than the true love they seem to share with each other.
Last (but probably least important), since we started with The Sound of Music, it's only appropriate to end with my favorite song from that musical, “Sixteen Going on Seventeen.”
And wow, I just listened to it again for the first time since my childhood, and wow. I guess from now on I will just focus on the dancing and love in their eyes, and ignore pretty much all of the lyrics.
I need someone
Older and wiser
Telling me what to do
You are 17 going on 18
I'll depend on you
I don’t even know where to start with that. Definitely not my favorite anything…
efore I officially moved into an apartment with Arya I was told countless horror stories of what happened to others when they moved in with their boyfriends. People warned that it would ruin our relationship, that is was too early, that I would get to know a side of him that I didn't know existed, and we would get sick of each other, etc, etc. All of this was actually very appealing. I am not interested in continuing on with the relationship if there is some secret evil hidden side of him that shows itself once we live together. Isn't one of the eventual goals of all good relationships to cohabitate? Why would I want to wait any longer to find these supposed deal breakers hidden deep within our relationship? As an adamant believer of not wasting time, I, of course wanted to see the dark, hidden, evil side of Arya ASAP, before it was too late to turn back. It also happens to be cheaper to share a one bedroom place between two people, plus I was already sleeping over with him maybe 5-6 nights a week anyways. Over a year after we began dating (and 3+ years of friendship before that) we officially moved in together.
And so far, it's been.... great. :) No complaints, at all. This alleged dark side that only comes out when you live with a person doesn't seem to exist with Arya. Maybe we need more time to really see, but I would think that 6+ months of living together would suffice. Who knows, I'll keep you updated if it takes a turn for the worse.
Maybe those other relationships that became doomed after a move-in became so, not because of the move-in, but because they were doomed from the start? As my undergrad psychology major courses loved to stress over and over, "correlation doesn't imply causation." I'm sure a lot of couples in those many move-in horror stories might have broken up regardless of sharing living quarters.
I know it's way soon for me to act like some expert on the topic, but in case you're interested, here are some ways that Arya and I make living together work. Or rather, how we make our relationship work. Because in the end there really hasn't been a change in our relationship after the move in, other than fighting over closet space because we both have wayyy too many shoes (and his size 13 feet don't make it any easier).
Very General Relationship Tips: (If you don't agree, let me know! I'm always learning and am open to new suggestions.)
Take real interest in each other's interests, passions, and goals.
Arya is my number one fan, he is behind me 100% when it comes to me reaching my goals. He helped me stay on track while studying for the LSAT and applying to schools, he believes in me no matter what my next (at times crazy) goals are. He even reads every single blog post that I write. :)
On the other side of the relationship, Arya's interests are mostly what I would have never ever ever previously taken an interest. Like basketball, if you mentioned it to me pre-Arya I would have been like zzzzz, but because I care so much about Arya and his love of basketball is so important to him, I took an open minded look at the sport and listened to all he had to say about it. I still don't necessarily love the sport itself, but through opening myself up to something new, now I honestly love hearing his opinion about whatever is going on in the NBA. Through hearing about what bothers him or excites him about the NBA, I've gotten to know him better. It has indirectly shown me what he values in people, as morals, what kind of work ethic he believes in, and what kind of person he wants to be.
Even though at first your significant other's passions or interests may seem like a bore, through opening yourself up and learning about it, you may find even more that you love about that person. If someone is passionate about something then that is also an important part of them. By not understanding that part of your significant other, you may end up never really getting to truly know them.
When a problem arises, talk it out.
Talk it out, talk it out, talk it out! As you might have already derived from this blog, I am a huge proponent of expressing myself. Anytime I feel something about someone I like to let them know. Not only do I prefer to let them know, but I might be incapable of otherwise. That's part of the reason I like to stay positive about people and focus on the good, because it's going to end up coming out of me, good or bad, and I would rather face the backlash of my positive feedback. Anyways, talking through your problems while being completely open and honest about everything really helps. It can be the difference between solving the symptom of the problem versus addressing the root of the issue. Figuring out what the root of the issue can save you so much time later in the relationship. Although it may seem like more work early on, in the end you will have saved yourself a lot of trouble by not having the same fight again and again. I personally can't let an issue rest until I understand the other side and we both come to a mutual understanding/solution. Plus, by really understanding where both people are coming from, you usually find that most fights are fueled by some misunderstanding/miscommunication.
Don't just talk, but REALLY listen.
This one is similar to the previous bullet, but by no means any less important. You can talk and express yourself all night long but if you don't listen to the other side then nothing gets accomplished. No matter how angry you might be you need to have an open mind and consider where the other side is coming from.
Appreciate each other, daily.
Your significant other can be the best, most amazing, thoughtful, caring, beautiful, and overall perfect person in the world, but if you don't take the time to remind yourself what you appreciate about them then you may take it for granted. When you are with someone for a while it's easy to forget what you have. To verbalize what it is that you appreciate on a daily basis about that special someone not only internally reiterates your love for them but also let's your partner know that you still care. Both are essential to remaining close and connected.
Say thank you.
Kind of similar to the previous point, but I mean this one to apply to actions/behaviors and not as much to traits. My grandparents have been happily married for over 50 years. Most recently, due to health issues, my grandfather has spent a lot of time helping my grandmother in and out of hospitals. It's been a stressful time for them both, but their love is as strong as ever. When you ask my grandfather how they can get through it all, he simply says, "she always says thank you." A "thank you" can go a long way, and it's incredibly easy.
Take turns/ stay equals
I am a strong believer that a relationship should be an equal partnership. None of that one side pays for everything BS, that's what a parent is for (unless of course one side is taking care of the children, incapable of contributing equally, etc.). The only man I will ever allow to pay for me like that was my dad. My significant other is to be my partner, to share life with, and to grow with. I don't only mean it to apply to financial one-sidedness, everything else should be equal too. Both sides should equally bring out the best in their partners. If your partner doesn't make you a better person or help you reach your potential and vice-versa, then you're both doing each other a disservice.
One more important thing that I think people overlook is that love does not conquer all. A crazy passionate love/lust only lasts so long. It can be a fun element, yes, but I think liking them can be the harder element to fulfill. Love without like I say? Think about it, you may love your annoying little sibling, but you might not necessarily like them all the time. Another example may be a crazy obsessive, can't live without each other love that at the end of the day, if you take out the crazy passionate sex, would they enjoy just talking to each other? You need to love, like, and respect your significant other. A good way to test this might be visualize yourself 70 years from now sitting in the nursing home. You can’t really move much, all you do all day long is sit in your rocking chair. Can you see your current significant other sitting next to you in their own rocking chair? Is that the person you'd want most there? If you say yes, then you probably really do like your partner. You'd be surprised how many people would not say yes to this.
Remember this old thing?
It probably makes more sense to just show this diagram. Instead I tried to explain
something similar in the last paragraph without just using the official triangle terms.
Remember, I am only 23 and do not claim to know it all or anything really. These are just my ramblings derived from my mere 6+ years of committed relationship experience. All I know is that I found things that work for me. I’m sickeningly happy in my current relationship. Consider yourself lucky that this post wasn’t more of an ushy gushy love fest about Arya, as it could have very easily become. I’ve been told that after almost two years with him, I still glow when I talk about the roomie. =) I only wish everyone else to be as happy. I guess, just find what and who works best with you, and stick with it.
reat music, great food, and great fun was what made my 4th of July weekend trip to New Orleans way more than great. My amazing friend, Kait, and her hubby (both visiting from Australia) met me and Arya down in Louisiana for a long weekend adventure.
t first glance Stephanie is your typical pretty girl. Knows how to look cute, dress cute, even smell cute, but you assume it stops there. Except that under that lovely surface is confidence that keeps her going through all odds, ambition for only the best, and the drive that can actually get it all. Her giggly demeanor is just a guise she hides behind. She is not easily flustered, takes a pragmatic approach to problems, and is always by your side when you need her most.
n honor of the song, 
efore I officially moved into an apartment with Arya I was told countless horror stories of what happened to others when they moved in with their boyfriends. People warned that it would ruin our relationship, that is was too early, that I would get to know a side of him that I didn't know existed, and we would get sick of each other, etc, etc. All of this was actually very appealing. I am not interested in continuing on with the relationship if there is some secret evil hidden side of him that shows itself once we live together. Isn't one of the eventual goals of all good relationships to cohabitate? Why would I want to wait any longer to find these supposed deal breakers hidden deep within our relationship? As an adamant believer of not wasting time, I, of course wanted to see the dark, hidden, evil side of Arya ASAP, before it was too late to turn back. It also happens to be cheaper to share a one bedroom place between two people, plus I was already sleeping over with him maybe 5-6 nights a week anyways. Over a year after we began dating (and 3+ years of friendship before that) we officially moved in together.