Five Years Without You

Dear Daddy,

Today officially makes it five years since you died. In some ways I cannot believe it's been that long and in other ways I feel like I've lived three lives since. But no matter how many years pass by, your place in my life is still empty.

After you left I literally cried every day for six months straight. Then when I realized I hadn't cried one day I freaked out, fearing that I was forgetting you, which of course led right back to those familiar tears. I couldn't even watch Grey's Anatomy at first because the hospital scenes reminded me too much of the three uncertain days of waiting by your ICU bedside before it took a turn for the worst. I definitely did my share of private grieving but have come a long way since, even though I still have my occasional moments.

Of course, I would still do anything to talk to you now. To hear your thoughts on the the current debt ceiling crisis, my life choices, or even just the weather. Anything.

Although you are always with me, I still miss you every day. Thank you for being such an amazing father and friend who loved me unconditionally and in so many ways gave me such a solid foundation of love and support to start my life from. I am so grateful for the years I got to spend with you, to know you, and to learn from you. But when the missing gets too tough I try and remind myself of what your brother said to me the night before your funeral, "Some people never get to have a dad as great as yours. In some ways you're lucky to have had him for even as long as 18 years." While he had a point, I think I might still prefer that conversation about the weather.

Loving you always,

Christina

Probably not the best picture of either of us, but pictures of us on my computer are pretty limited.