ummer of '06 I took a couple extra classes at the nearby community college in order avoid taking them that fall. During one of those courses I met a young man whose real name I will not use, for fear that he finds this post, therefore he will be simply referred to as Stalker. During our class together I barely reciprocated his small talk, yet he repeatedly hit on me and asked for my number. He would not take no for an answer. When that six week course finally ended, he managed to find me in the twelve week course I was taking on a completely different campus. One day he was even waiting for me outside of the classroom. During the class' half point break I went outside to see why he was there. He, again, asked if I would date him. I reminded Stalker that I had a boyfriend and that either way I was still definitely not interested. He continued to ask again and again until I went back into the classroom. At this point I was a little concerned about his inability to take a hint/direct rejection and all the effort it must have taken him to find my classroom.In the fall he transferred to my school, where we happened to enroll in the same course, again. The first day of class he sat down right next to me and began talking. I didn't respond to him. After class was over he followed me out to the parking lot until I finally told him not to talk to me or come near me ever again. The next class he sat far away. As the weeks passed, Stalker began slowly sitting closer and closer until he was in the seat next to me again. At first he would ask questions/make comments like, “What did I do to deserve this?” and “I'm really sorry for whatever I did.” I never responded. I thought that if I did not give him any attention, there would be no reinforcement and he would give up. Then Stalker just stared at me for most of the class with the occasional “Can I have your phone number?” I saw all of this out of the corner of my eye, I refused to even look at him directly. He would always be peeking over my shoulder at whatever I was working on and constantly invading my personal space. I tried my best not react or make any contact with him, with the hopes that he would eventually get bored.
After the end of that class he somehow he found my email address (I'm assuming on a class roster somewhere) and sent me numerous messages. Below are some highlights. While reading please keep in mind that we never had any kind of relationship or even real conversations before these emails.
July 4, 2007:
“I need to begin by saying I'm almost dying, I miss you so much. And if I don't die, I think that your absence will slowly bring me to some illness that will leave me as good as dead. As a last request, please forgive me if I ever hurt your feelings.”
July 24, 2007:
“To start off, I want a kiss. I am almost happy, because I know that I will be meeting you again soon when I am dead and in the otherworld.”I received no more e-mails after I contacted the police. I'm sure it had a little to do with them paying him a home visit. When classes began in the fall, we had another class together. Fortunately, he dropped this class at the end of the first week. Halfway through the semester my professor pulled me out of class to talk to me about some e-mails he received from Stalker. My professor wanted to know the nature of our relationship. I explained that we were never friends and that he had been bothering me for more than a year. My professor said that Stalker had informed him of another story in which I was sending him mixed signals and that Stalker had deep feelings for me. My professor expressed his concern for my safety and advised me to contact the Judicial Affairs Office if it persisted. A couple weeks after that conversation I saw Stalker sitting outside of the class staring at me as I walked away.
Stalker created many Facebook accounts to virtually friend me, some using his real name, some with different alias’ like "Monica Johnson." I blocked every suspicious account. Sometimes these friend requests would be accompanied by messages like “I know where you live and what all your classes are.” Not sure how that line was supposed to entice me into accepting his requests...
A couple times the university police got involved. Of course the police took my side. They let me know that Stalker said things like, “You know how sometimes a girl says ‘no,’ but her body is saying ‘yes,’ well that’s how this is.” Despite these kinds of comments, they could not legally do anything more than place a campus-wide kind of restraining order between us. We were not allowed near each other, which was a-ok with me. Since he never touched me, there was nothing else they could do. Later when the county police were contacted they could legally do even less to try and help.
I have actually left out many details to keep the story more compact. (Yes, it could be longer than this.) But since I met Stalker, he has consistently contacted me on average, probably every 8-10 months. Sometimes it’s a little stupid e-card in my inbox, sometimes links to love songs, and sometimes just more Facebook friend requests. It has been getting better, but it’s just always something to worry about in the back of my mind. I am so thankful that it has turned into nothing more than annoyances and disturbances, but it only takes one chance encounter for something awful to happen.
The worst part is not how invasive he's been in my life, but that I feel like there is nothing to learn from the situation. (If you think I'm wrong please please enlighten me!) If I could go back in time, what would I do differently? There is nothing that I feel I can pass onto other girls who might also be at risk. When you learn something from a bad experience it can take the edge off and also help you grow. This experience has just wasted my time. The only positive thing I can think to attribute to this is that I took a self-defense class which led me to take karate, which has definitely been a positive part of my life. If nothing else, I can at least say "thank you Stalker, because of you, I now have a black belt." :)
