A Few of my Favorite Things

n honor of the song, My Favorite Things, from The Sound of Music (which has been stuck in my head for the past couple days), I want to write about a few of my own favorite things.

But first, a little on how picking favorites also happens to be a favorite thing of mine. Whenever I find a new category of things/ types of people/ activities/ anything really, I find myself immediately picking a favorite. I'm scared that this may be a habit I need to get over before I have multiple kids, especially if it translates into picking a favorite offspring. Later on it could cause them some major psychological damage… whoops. Anyways, my natural gravitation towards favorites fits well my other obsessive tendencies. I feel strongly about what I like, I usually either hate or love things (rarely for logical reasons), but these strong inclinations are never set in stone. My feelings change often, so in the end there should be no hurt feelings, right?

Accordingly, here are a few of my favorite things… of the moment.

Walking

This is something fairly new, and honestly I am not sure how much of it is leftover from my days of trying to lose weight. I would count every calorie consumed and subtract that by the estimated calories burned throughout the day. (Of course, I chose the nerdiest way to lose weight.) But no matter the root, now I truly love walking. I even like choosing the slightly farther parking spot just to walk more.

I love walking my dog even after he is so worn out and panting that he takes every opportunity he gets to lay down in the shade of every tree we pass by.

I love walking and just appreciating that I have the physical ability to do so. That it’s not difficult for me to walk because of old age or some injury. I love the feeling of movement. But sometimes I love taking walks because it gives me the opportunity to do my next favorite thing…

Looking up at the Clouds

When people actually take the time lift their eyes towards the sky, I don’t think anyone is really ever disappointed. At least, whenever I look up I am never disappointed. I always think the same thing, “Why don’t I do this more often?” I love love love the sky. Yes, trees are pretty, flowers are nice, oceans are relaxing, but the sky is nice from everywhere. You don’t have to travel anywhere to find it. Pretty from any angle, any distance. Plus, it spends more time looking amazing than flowers are even in bloom. Looking up at the pretty in the sky always helps me remember how petty problems can be down below. That’s what I love most about the sky, how it can be such a nice pick me up from above.

Healthy, Loving Relationships

I know everyone probably likes healthy, loving relationships, but I REALLY like healthy, loving relationships. I never was that impressed or excited about the idea of young love. Too fleeting, meaningless, shallow even? My favorite is seeing much older couples out in public holding hands, who still seem very much in love. That never gets old to me. ;)

Maybe that’s why I love the Obamas so much. Barack is such a contrast to so many other American presidents in respect to how his personal life appears. He seems to really truly love AND still be in love with Michelle. They make time in their crazy hectic White House schedules to have private date nights. There are pictures of them with his Secret Service men looking away as the two of them share an intimate moment where they rest their foreheads against each other. They just seem like such an indestructible partnership, supporting each other through it all. If that’s not actually the reality of their relationship, then I guess I’m impressed with the show? Either way they inspire me to never settle for anything less than the true love they seem to share with each other.

Last (but probably least important), since we started with The Sound of Music, it's only appropriate to end with my favorite song from that musical, “Sixteen Going on Seventeen.”

And wow, I just listened to it again for the first time since my childhood, and wow. I guess from now on I will just focus on the dancing and love in their eyes, and ignore pretty much all of the lyrics.

I need someone
Older and wiser
Telling me what to do
You are 17 going on 18
I'll depend on you

I don’t even know where to start with that. Definitely not my favorite anything…

"Living In Sin"

efore I officially moved into an apartment with Arya I was told countless horror stories of what happened to others when they moved in with their boyfriends. People warned that it would ruin our relationship, that is was too early, that I would get to know a side of him that I didn't know existed, and we would get sick of each other, etc, etc. All of this was actually very appealing. I am not interested in continuing on with the relationship if there is some secret evil hidden side of him that shows itself once we live together. Isn't one of the eventual goals of all good relationships to cohabitate? Why would I want to wait any longer to find these supposed deal breakers hidden deep within our relationship? As an adamant believer of not wasting time, I, of course wanted to see the dark, hidden, evil side of Arya ASAP, before it was too late to turn back. It also happens to be cheaper to share a one bedroom place between two people, plus I was already sleeping over with him maybe 5-6 nights a week anyways. Over a year after we began dating (and 3+ years of friendship before that) we officially moved in together.

And so far, it's been.... great. :) No complaints, at all. This alleged dark side that only comes out when you live with a person doesn't seem to exist with Arya. Maybe we need more time to really see, but I would think that 6+ months of living together would suffice. Who knows, I'll keep you updated if it takes a turn for the worse.

Maybe those other relationships that became doomed after a move-in became so, not because of the move-in, but because they were doomed from the start? As my undergrad psychology major courses loved to stress over and over, "correlation doesn't imply causation." I'm sure a lot of couples in those many move-in horror stories might have broken up regardless of sharing living quarters.

I know it's way soon for me to act like some expert on the topic, but in case you're interested, here are some ways that Arya and I make living together work. Or rather, how we make our relationship work. Because in the end there really hasn't been a change in our relationship after the move in, other than fighting over closet space because we both have wayyy too many shoes (and his size 13 feet don't make it any easier).

Very General Relationship Tips: 
(If you don't agree, let me know! I'm always learning and am open to new suggestions.)

• Take real interest in each other's interests, passions, and goals.
  
  Arya is my number one fan, he is behind me 100% when it comes to me reaching my goals. He helped me stay on track while studying for the LSAT and applying to schools, he believes in me no matter what my next (at times crazy) goals are. He even reads every single blog post that I write. :)
  
  On the other side of the relationship, Arya's interests are mostly what I would have never ever ever previously taken an interest. Like basketball, if you mentioned it to me pre-Arya I would have been like zzzzz, but because I care so much about Arya and his love of basketball is so important to him, I took an open minded look at the sport and listened to all he had to say about it. I still don't necessarily love the sport itself, but through opening myself up to something new, now I honestly love hearing his opinion about whatever is going on in the NBA. Through hearing about what bothers him or excites him about the NBA, I've gotten to know him better. It has indirectly shown me what he values in people, as morals, what kind of work ethic he believes in, and what kind of person he wants to be.
  
  Even though at first your significant other's passions or interests may seem like a bore, through opening yourself up and learning about it, you may find even more that you love about that person. If someone is passionate about something then that is also an important part of them. By not understanding that part of your significant other, you may end up never really getting to truly know them.
  
  
• When a problem arises, talk it out.
  
  Talk it out, talk it out, talk it out! As you might have already derived from this blog, I am a huge proponent of expressing myself. Anytime I feel something about someone I like to let them know. Not only do I prefer to let them know, but I might be incapable of otherwise. That's part of the reason I like to stay positive about people and focus on the good, because it's going to end up coming out of me, good or bad, and I would rather face the backlash of my positive feedback. Anyways, talking through your problems while being completely open and honest about everything really helps. It can be the difference between solving the symptom of the problem versus addressing the root of the issue. Figuring out what the root of the issue can save you so much time later  in the relationship. Although it may seem like more work early on, in the end you will have saved yourself a lot of trouble by not having the same fight again and again. I personally can't let an issue rest until I understand the other side and we both come to a mutual understanding/solution. Plus, by really understanding where both people are coming from, you usually find that most fights are fueled by some misunderstanding/miscommunication.
  
  
• Don't just talk, but REALLY listen.
  
  This one is similar to the previous bullet, but by no means any less important. You can talk and express yourself all night long but if you don't listen to the other side then nothing gets accomplished. No matter how angry you might be you need to have an open mind and consider where the other side is coming from.
  
  
• Appreciate each other, daily.
  
  Your significant other can be the best, most amazing, thoughtful, caring, beautiful, and overall perfect person in the world, but if you don't take the time to remind yourself what you appreciate about them then you may take it for granted. When you are with someone for a while it's easy to forget what you have. To verbalize what it is that you appreciate on a daily basis about that special someone not only internally reiterates your love for them but also let's your partner know that you still care. Both are essential to remaining close and connected.
  
  
• Say thank you.
  
  Kind of similar to the previous point, but I mean this one to apply to actions/behaviors and not as much to traits. My grandparents have been happily married for over 50 years. Most recently, due to health issues, my grandfather has spent a lot of time helping my grandmother in and out of hospitals. It's been a stressful time for them both, but their love is as strong as ever. When you ask my grandfather how they can get through it all, he simply says, "she always says thank you." A "thank you" can go a long way, and it's incredibly easy.
  
  
• Take turns/ stay equals
  
  I am a strong believer that a relationship should be an equal partnership. None of that one side pays for everything BS, that's what a parent is for (unless of course one side is taking care of the children, incapable of contributing equally, etc.). The only man I will ever allow to pay for me like that was my dad. My significant other is to be my partner, to share life with, and to grow with. I don't only mean it to apply to financial one-sidedness, everything else should be equal too. Both sides should equally bring out the best in their partners. If your partner doesn't make you a better person or help you reach your potential and vice-versa, then you're both doing each other a disservice. 

These points may seem obvious, but they are essential to an improved relationship. Sometimes people forget about the simple things in life. I also recognize that every couple is different and what works for one set of people might ruin another relationship. I have even made this mistake myself. I've seen another couple functioning a certain way, got jealous, tried to incorporate it into my relationship, without the same results. Remember, (cliché alert) the grass is not always greener on the other side. Every lawn needs a different formula to help it thrive. With all that said, I still believe the above suggestions are so general that they can be applied to most anyone.

One more important thing that I think people overlook is that love does not conquer all. A crazy passionate love/lust only lasts so long. It can be a fun element, yes, but I think liking them can be the harder element to fulfill. Love without like I say? Think about it, you may love your annoying little sibling, but you might not necessarily like them all the time. Another example may be a crazy obsessive, can't live without each other love that at the end of the day, if you take out the crazy passionate sex, would they enjoy just talking to each other? You need to love, like, and respect your significant other. A good way to test this might be visualize yourself 70 years from now sitting in the nursing home. You can’t really move much, all you do all day long is sit in your rocking chair. Can you see your current significant other sitting next to you in their own rocking chair? Is that the person you'd want most there? If you say yes, then you probably really do like your partner. You'd be surprised how many people would not say yes to this.

Remember this old thing? 
It probably makes more sense to just show this diagram. Instead I tried to explain
something similar in the last paragraph without just using the official triangle terms.

Remember, I am only 23 and do not claim to know it all or anything really. These are just my ramblings derived from my mere 6+ years of committed relationship experience. All I know is that I found things that work for me. I’m sickeningly happy in my current relationship. Consider yourself lucky that this post wasn’t more of an ushy gushy love fest about Arya, as it could have very easily become. I’ve been told that after almost two years with him, I still glow when I talk about the roomie. =) I only wish everyone else to be as happy. I guess, just find what and who works best with you, and stick with it.

My Stalker, an Overview

ummer of '06 I took a couple extra classes at the nearby community college in order avoid taking them that fall. During one of those courses I met a young man whose real name I will not use, for fear that he finds this post, therefore he will be simply referred to as Stalker. During our class together I barely reciprocated his small talk, yet he repeatedly hit on me and asked for my number. He would not take no for an answer. When that six week course finally ended, he managed to find me in the twelve week course I was taking on a completely different campus. One day he was even waiting for me outside of the classroom. During the class' half point break I went outside to see why he was there. He, again, asked if I would date him. I reminded Stalker that I had a boyfriend and that either way I was still definitely not interested. He continued to ask again and again until I went back into the classroom. At this point I was a little concerned about his inability to take a hint/direct rejection and all the effort it must have taken him to find my classroom.

In the fall he transferred to my school, where we happened to enroll in the same course, again. The first day of class he sat down right next to me and began talking. I didn't respond to him. After class was over he followed me out to the parking lot until I finally told him not to talk to me or come near me ever again. The next class he sat far away. As the weeks passed, Stalker began slowly sitting closer and closer until he was in the seat next to me again. At first he would ask questions/make comments like, “What did I do to deserve this?” and “I'm really sorry for whatever I did.” I never responded. I thought that if I did not give him any attention, there would be no reinforcement and he would give up. Then Stalker just stared at me for most of the class with the occasional “Can I have your phone number?” I saw all of this out of the corner of my eye, I refused to even look at him directly. He would always be peeking over my shoulder at whatever I was working on and constantly invading my personal space. I tried my best not react or make any contact with him, with the hopes that he would eventually get bored.

After the end of that class he somehow he found my email address (I'm assuming on a class roster somewhere) and sent me numerous messages. Below are some highlights. While reading please keep in mind that we never had any kind of relationship or even real conversations before these emails.

July 4, 2007: 

“I need to begin by saying I'm almost dying, I miss you so much. And if I don't die, I think that your absence will slowly bring me to some illness that will leave me as good as dead. As a last request, please forgive me if I ever hurt your feelings.” 

July 24, 2007:

“To start off, I want a kiss. I am almost happy, because I know that I will be meeting you again soon when I am dead and in the otherworld.” 

I received no more e-mails after I contacted the police. I'm sure it had a little to do with them paying him a home visit. When classes began in the fall, we had another class together. Fortunately, he dropped this class at the end of the first week. Halfway through the semester my professor pulled me out of class to talk to me about some e-mails he received from Stalker. My professor wanted to know the nature of our relationship. I explained that we were never friends and that he had been bothering me for more than a year. My professor said that Stalker had informed him of another story in which I was sending him mixed signals and that Stalker had deep feelings for me. My professor expressed his concern for my safety and advised me to contact the Judicial Affairs Office if it persisted. A couple weeks after that conversation I saw Stalker sitting outside of the class staring at me as I walked away.

Stalker created many Facebook accounts to virtually friend me, some using his real name, some with different alias’ like "Monica Johnson." I blocked every suspicious account. Sometimes these friend requests would be accompanied by messages like “I know where you live and what all your classes are.” Not sure how that line was supposed to entice me into accepting his requests...

A couple times the university police got involved. Of course the police took my side. They let me know that Stalker said things like, “You know how sometimes a girl says ‘no,’ but her body is saying ‘yes,’ well that’s how this is.” Despite these kinds of comments, they could not legally do anything more than place a campus-wide kind of restraining order between us. We were not allowed near each other, which was a-ok with me. Since he never touched me, there was nothing else they could do. Later when the county police were contacted they could legally do even less to try and help.

I have actually left out many details to keep the story more compact. (Yes, it could be longer than this.) But since I met Stalker, he has consistently contacted me on average, probably every 8-10 months. Sometimes it’s a little stupid e-card in my inbox, sometimes links to love songs, and sometimes just more Facebook friend requests. It has been getting better, but it’s just always something to worry about in the back of my mind. I am so thankful that it has turned into nothing more than annoyances and disturbances, but it only takes one chance encounter for something awful to happen.

The worst part is not how invasive he's been in my life, but that I feel like there is nothing to learn from the situation. (If you think I'm wrong please please enlighten me!) If I could go back in time, what would I do differently? There is nothing that I feel I can pass onto other girls who might also be at risk. When you learn something from a bad experience it can take the edge off and also help you grow. This experience has just wasted my time. The only positive thing I can think to attribute to this is that I took a self-defense class which led me to take karate, which has definitely been a positive part of my life. If nothing else, I can at least say "thank you Stalker, because of you, I now have a black belt."  :)

Set Goals ☑ Accomplish Goals ☑

ating good food improves your health, yeah yeah, but to-do lists too? A friend recently told me that to-do lists are actually good for your health. Which means my obsessive list making isn't as off as I thought. (Here's an article for more explanation) Eight months have passed since I took the LSATs and I am, I guess luckily, still on a non-academic goals kick. I'm obsessed with figuring out what I want and then doing it. Checking off to-do boxes are just so much fun. Please try it --> 

Anyway, here's an update of the goals list I made back in October:

• Run a 5k race on Thanksgiving ☐ Even though this is a no check,  I did raise a little money for it and actually walked a 3K later in April for MS. So maybe half check?
• Take belly dancing classes ☐ I looked into it, but it’s on the back burner right now.
• Learn to play tennis/golf ☐ Setting this goal right before winter started wasn't the smartest...
• Move out in December ☑ Blog post raving about my roomie and living situation to come soon.
• Shoot a gun at a shooting range ☐ I’m still looking forward to getting this one checked off.
• Learn to cook (at least one dish really well) ☑ This check may not be valid because I’m counting the one and only time I attempted to cook a very difficult Persian dish and it shockingly came out fabulous. I have not attempted since, for fear that it was only beginner’s luck.
• Understand football better ☑
• Read for fun again ☑ I still don't do this as much as I'd like, but I'm glad I'm at least improving ... it's just so hard to make any time for it.
• Travel more ☑ Since I set this goal I've been to Colombia, Switzerland, Italy, and even a little more around the US (Philly and Boston) for the first time.

I accomplished a bunch of goals that weren't even on that list too. (I don't want you to think I'm a slacker since some of the check boxes are empty.)

Goals set since the above-mentioned list that have already been accomplished:

• Earn a black belt ☑ Yeah, that one was a surprise check to me too. After more than four years of practice, it definitely feels nice. A lot more expectations, but that always comes alongside accomplishment.
• Get into Law School ☑ (See previous post)
• Blog more consistently ☑ (see posts between now and last October if you want proof)
• Enjoy watching the NBA ☑ Yes, I may have a workable understanding of the NFL, but all that pales in comparison to what I now know about the NBA. More specifically, I know way too much about the Lakers. Considering that two years ago I couldn't have told you what a series in the playoffs was or what it meant to be "inside the paint," now I can tell you all that, including what an ally-oop is, the history of Nowitzki's shooting skills, and why I’m not a fan of LeBron James or JaVale McGee’s on the court attitude/style.
• Get to know DC better ☑ Seeing as I've lived within a 20 mile radius of it my whole life, this one was a must. But it might technically only be a half check for now, only because I go out of town so many weekends, but I’m definitely getting there.
• Go out more ☑ Left in my natural state I'm definitely a homebody. All my life my friends have had to drag me out to social situations. Once I’m out I definitely enjoy myself, but it’s always been very difficult to just get me out. Yes, odd, but I’m slowly getting over myself, ok?
• Dye my hair black, again ☑ I don’t know what it is, but I LOVE black hair. Jet black, none of that dark brown nonsense either. Maybe it ties in with the other extreme tendencies I have, extreme likes/dislikes, etc. But no matter the reason, I just love black hair. Whenever I go to get it dyed the hairdresser is always baffled by my love of black hair since my hair is already very brown. I've been told how unusual it is for women to want darker hair. Also, many people don't even see the difference afterwards, which also makes no sense to me because my hair has a lot of red/blond in the sun, during the summer months. Oh well, I guess my main point is that I am very glad this box is checked off.

From boring brown to beautiful black! yes! 

All of this to-do listing is making me feel healthier already! I highly recommend to-do lists for everyone, and not just for those with OCD tendencies like myself.

To Go or Not To Go?

"... Living in a foreign country is one of those things that everyone should try at least once. My understanding was that it completed a person, sanding down the rough provincial edges and transforming you into a citizen of the world. 

What I find appealing in life abroad was the inevitable sense of helplessness it would inspire. Equally exciting would be the work involved in overcoming that helplessness. There would be a goal involved, and I like having goals."

-David Sedaris

ot too far back, my very international second cousin got me thinking: Do I need to move?

My second cousin is half Persian, half Indian, born in Iran, raised in Sweden, moved to England, and then lived in different US cities including Seattle, New York, and DC. He brought attention to the fact that I need to get out of the area, considering I was born in the DC metro area, raised in the DC metro area, went to school in the DC metro area, and now work in the DC metro area. Maybe he has a point? I do see a pattern... Oh, and although I went away to college for a year in Harrisonburg, Virginia, he wouldn't count that since I was mostly surrounded by others from the DC metro area, on top of the fact that I came home every other weekend.

Part of my decision to stay around home during my college years were unfortunate family circumstances, but now that is all resolved, and I have no excuse. I am in a time where I have the flexibility in my life to go anywhere. I am young, no kids, no overbearing responsibilities to tie me down, and no career that forces me to stay in one position/location forever. I am afraid that time is running out for me and soon I won’t be so free or young anymore. My opportunities will be gone and all that is left will be regret. Probably my biggest fear-- being left with too many regrets at the end of my lifetime. I want to prevent as much of that as possible and now might be a big chance.

I have visited some international places, ie. France, Mexico, Colombia, Switzerland, and Italy. From these short trips I have already tasted the personal growth that comes from expanding your horizons and experiencing new places, people, and cultures. But is there a huge difference when you actually uproot your life and LIVE somewhere different? I wouldn't know; I am just a townie. A townie in a relatively diverse and highly populated area, but does that really make it any better?

I have no idea where I would want to go. And now that I start attending a DC law school in the fall, what are my options? Plus, I don't have a great aptitude when it comes to learning new languages, which doesn’t leave many English-speaking international options, when places like England don’t interest me. Maybe a different US city? LA or NYC definitely have a different culture than DC. I just don’t know right now. Do I really need to have lived somewhere else to have a full life? What's wrong with forever just taking lots of vacations and weekend excursions??